Today is Thursday, July 5th, 2012. I let myself run through every excuse to think that we should still be together. In my heart I wanted to be with you. After these three long weeks I’ve come to terms today that we shouldn’t. I truly thought you were different, I gave you the chance with my heart and you fucked it up. I know it doesn’t mean shit to you, but it’s just something I had to get off my chest. I feel truly betrayed. I know that I fucked up with you at times, but it was out of ignorance. My heart was always in the right place. I always wanted to do better for the both of us. I always wanted to better because I promised that I’d be with you forever. I love you we both crossed each others boundaries. We both were hurt. Neither one of us can say the other was more hurt during the relationship. We both know the details, we have our differences. There was a lot of pressure on both of us, but I was willing to go through it because of my promise to you. I remember what you had went through to be in a relationship with me, all the trials and tribulations, the type of things you did because you knew that I was the person you wanted to be with. I respected you for that, you had enough confidence in yourself and in me that we could work out. No matter what conditions. I wasn’t too sure in the beginning, because I was afraid that I’d get screwed over in the end. I trusted you enough to know that we could do it. You gave me the impression that no matter what you’d never leave my side. I’m hitting that stage where I’m more pissed at you for doing this than anything. I promised you I’d never leave your side. I never did. You were my girlfriend, my love, and my best friend. I had my own problems, I lost myself. I needed to find myself, but by the time I found myself you had already come to the conclusion that you didn’t want to be with me. I was only a man who had no guidance. I was only a man who formulated his own guidance. I was only a man who needed guidance and some time. A man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do. I accept it for what it is. From us planning on our future. To you planning your own future and cutting me out of everything there is nothing I can say. I had three and a half weeks off & I saw you four times in the span of three & half weeks because you didn’t want us. All I wanted was for us to be together on my birthday it was my first day of 20 years old. I told you how much I wanted to see you days before my birthday… even though you were my girlfriend first, you were always my best friend, and who doesn’t spend their birthday with their best friend. We used to spend everyday together. You were my like little sidekick. lmao. We did everything together. I brought you a little out of your circle, you brought me out of my circle. Took you places, showed you new things, and loved every minute of it. This summer we were supposed to be enjoying it together, we said that. I was prepared for this to be the first summer where my relationship made it all the way to the summer, but it fell short. I’m really angry at the base of it, but I’m more disappointed, than anything. I keep asking myself even if you did take a chance again to be with me what would it be like. Would we be able to over look each others past ways and make for a better relationship? I think I could, if this didn’t happen. This was the whole reason I didn’t want to get in a relationship with you. This would be the same reason why I would hesitate again. I would need to know you wouldn’t leave me in the dust again but how would I do that? You did it once and once was one time to many. God knows I want to… at this current date, but I know it’s not the right thing to do. I know it’s not. I faught it and lost the game. I love you from the depths of my heart, but it just doesn’t make sense to me why you would tell someone you’ll be there for them… truthfully then go back on your word. When I told you I was down for you I was serious.
Ultimately, I’m mad that this went down like this. That you made me feel this bad about all of this. Shit hurts. I’m not going to act like it’s ok I’m bummed for sure, but there’s not much I can do about anything at this point. From all the things I listed I just want to know why…
- Why did you leave me ultimately?
- Why didn’t you give me that extra chance?
- Why didn’t you try to work it out?
- Do you not care about me?
- And lastly I just want to know why did you do it when you did it?
I just want to know why. I want you to be completely honest about it. I don’t want you think about sheltering my feelings now. Whatever it is so it can make more sense to me that’s it. I’ve been contemplating everything for so long and I just want to understand. I’m completely serious from now on I’ll leave you alone about the whole thing if I get these answers… that’s it. If you have any questions I will answer them